When I got pregnant it was a surprise, it did scare me a lot. I actually panicked and didn't know what to do with the situation. I have to say I was 21 years old when I got pregnant.
My daughter wasn't planned, she was a surprise baby. I had to make a decision: 'Am I ready for controlling a new life?' It was a serious thing. I wasn't sure if the father was going to be always beside me, to support me. I wasn't sure if I had enough money for the baby.
My partner said a baby is not about the money. He said we will sort out everything that comes along, he told me he wants the baby, he was sure of himself. So we decided to make this big step in life together.
My companion was so happy, he started calling friends and relatives to tell the good news.
I heard from lots of mothers that the first 12 weeks I might get terrible sicknesses, I might not eat specific foods. I never had any problems. No dizziness. I ate mainly everything that I ate before.
The first ultrasound made my heart beat so hard I thought it was going to jump out. I knew I did the right thing. A warm feeling ran over my body as I saw the first miracle inside my tummy.
As time passed, I bought books that can help with the procedure of my pregnancy, on what to eat, how to stay healthy. How will the baby develop through the pregnancy? I read books about after birth. Exercises before and after birth. Like every woman I wanted to look the same after birth.
I had loads of questions for my midwife. It is very important to feel free to ask anything you don`t know.
I loved the ultrasound tests, it made me feel very lucky. The first heartbeat was also a thing I will always remember. The father was there as well.
I tried to share everything with my companion, so he wouldn't feel left out of the pregnancy, this was a new thing for both of us. I had to make the situation comfortable. I didn't want the pregnancy to pull us apart. I read a lot about couples having terrible times through the pregnancy. It should be a beautiful thing that both of us could enjoy. Most of the men get scared of the fact that there is another life in there. The huge responsibility they will have from now on. My companion tried to stay away from the conversations with me. At first I was angry, but later on I realized what was going on. So I just left him with his thoughts, it was a thing he had to sort out. He just needed time.
I thought it was very important to eat healthy, to give the baby a comfortable place to be in.
Or to stay calm even though those terrible depression thoughts came. I am not a depressed type of person but when I was pregnant, I had loads of depressed days when I felt under, and I thought my life is all gone, that I will only have the baby in every minute of my life, nothing else. It was scary. I was too young for that.
Pregnancy is a stressing thing, but I worried for no reason, because in the end it was beautiful miracle in my life.
When I was in my 4th month, I flew on a vacation to see my relatives. Everyone was so excited. She is the first grandchild in my family.
In the 5th month when we had another ultrasound and the doctor asked me if I wanted to know the gender. I said yes. I couldn't wait to know.
When she first started kicking and moving around, it was great, first signs from her, I used to play around with her. My companion loved it was well, he used to lay his hand on my tummy and wait for the kicks. Every time I had a nap or just lied down for a rest, she woke, started kicking and punching. I couldn't wait to see her. I was so excited about her.
I left work when I was at the end of my 6th month, I also decided to stay beside my baby for a while, I think a baby needs the mother for the first eight months. For me the newborn was much more important than the work.
Soon I had to buy new trousers, my tummy started growing, I wasn't scared of gaining weight, I was always the thin type of person. But obviously I started to look a bit bigger. I had a lot of trouble with choosing a bra, because of sizes changes each month.
Choosing a name was a funny part. Of course we both wanted different names. We sat down beside each other in front of the internet and we were just searching, I wanted her to be Chloe. I love that name, but the father didn't. So this never got sorted until the birth.
I loved traveling with the car, it kind of relaxed both of us. We went up in the Welsh mountains. She also liked it when I listened to music. We even went to a concert with her. I went swimming, doctors said it's good for both of us.
I loved it when people saw my huge tummy, and they congratulated me. When they asked me if it was the first one. People changed when they saw me pregnant. Everyone was so kind to me. My friend always told me, if you are pregnant you have the right to do anything you feel. This is your time of life, enjoy every minute of it. I always laughed at it.
I did my everyday duties until the last 2 months of my pregnancy. After that I just tried to do the day duties, but I got tired too fast, I couldn't go out that much anymore. I required peaceful times.
The last one month was the most disturbing month. I was stressed out about labor. I was scared of what will happen afterwards. In this period I tried to be around friends, relatives, to get my mind of the stressing things. I tried to keep my normal day up, but when I finished cooking I had to sit for a while, I got so tired after doing the shopping or just taking a walk. I tried doing exercises but it was also very tiring. I found it difficult to sleep at night, I was scared of lying on her, my tummy was so big I struggled a lot to sleep normal.
I was very careful with lifting things, I just didn't bother doing it if it wasn't safe. Safety is first for me. There was a balance I had to find and it wasn't easy for me to find it.
In the last two weeks I woke up every morning saying this is the day. But it wasn't.
Through my pregnancy I had every day changes in my emotions, it was pretty confusing. In one hour I was impatiently waiting to see her, to feed her, just to be with her. The next hour I was depressed because of the responsibility.
My pregnancy went with no trouble. The baby was healthy and that was the most important. I was terribly scared of it, but I realized later on that there was nothing to be scared of.
I can also say the same about my labor. I was curious. How will I know when the baby is coming? Everyone said I will know. I couldn't wait to get over it.
Two days after my due date, at 11pm, I had terrible pain in my back, I couldn't sleep. I knew it was it because of the stinging pain. So we rushed into the hospital, my partner drove like a maniac, my cramps were stronger and stronger, it took us about 30 minutes to get there. We rushed in looking for a nurse, I quickly told her what was going on. They put me on a machine, and the nurse said we are way too early.
I was only 3 cm wide. I felt like an idiot.
They told me I can go back home and wait another 4 hours and come back. I said no way, I am staying. So I got a room, had no sleep because of the cramps. I took a bath, it helped me relax a bit. I got some gas and air, I wouldn't say it helped too much.
At 4 in the morning they told me I was ready.
They prepared the room for me where the bathtub was. I chose water birth, because I didn't want the injection in the spine. I think it's too dangerous, but this is only my paranoid thing.
It all began at around 6 o'clock in the morning. The nurse explained everything about the breathing, at first I thought it was a stupid thing, but it helped a lot. I got relaxed a bit while I was doing the breathing. The nurse said while I was in big pain, each pain is like a rollercoaster on the way to the top it's terrible but from the top to the bottom its releasing. But never think of the next pain afterwards.
I don't know what I looked like, but I tried to smile at her. I was in pain that I never felt before and I was scared. I wanted to be over the whole thing already. It wasn't easy, but everything came in order and I knew what to do. The Nurses and the doctors were very kind. The father was behind me the whole time, what meant a lot. I fainted once. He told me that later on. Her head was out, I thought it was finally over, when the doctor told me we are half way through.
We worked together with my baby; Helena was born at 7:25 am. She was born with brown hair and brown eyes.
When the nurse lifted her out of the water and placed her on my chest, all the pain and the struggling suddenly disappeared. I knew this was the best moment of my life. She looked at me, I had nothing else in mind only her and how much it was worth it. It can't be said in words. She was my miracle.
The procedure went fine, she was healthy. I did not have any stitches.
I had trouble with breast feeding, and diaper changing. I think the nurses in the hospital did not give enough attention to me afterwards. Helena was my first child, I think they could have helped more. I had no strength to get up from the bed, and I had to do everything around the newborn.
My milk didn't start right away so I had to give her formula. Everything was so confusing.
She got her name after the day she was born. She was born on a full moon and Helena means: Beauty from the moon.
I got sent home from the hospital next day, what I think was too early for a newborn. I thought they will watch her for at least another day or 2.
My companion came to pick us up from the hospital, I was so happy, I couldn't wait to get home. He changed a lot in 1 day. He was even more excited about Helena than I was. He got everything prepared at home. He called everyone to announce she was born.
Well the first nights were crazy. She cried a lot. It wasn't funny then, but when I think back, once I woke up to walk around with her then her father and it went on and on. She settled down after a couple of nights. We had to get used to each other. She was adorable. I loved her from the first second I saw her.
My midwife came to visit us now and then, everything was alright with her health.
The first 3 months were very difficult, in the beginning I had no clue what to do. When she cried it was a bit stressing, I was scared that I was doing something wrong. But the more time we spent together the more I knew about her.
I have to say that the books I read did help. But everything came from inside, I knew how to hold her even though I never held a baby in my hand before. All of a sudden I learned to change diapers. I knew when she wanted to sleep, I knew when she was hungry. We were one.
She was changing so fast, it was incredible. She now had blond hair with beautiful blue eyes.
I remember I always used to sneak in when she was sleeping to see if she was still breathing. I was scared of sleeping deaths. I never fed her too much milk so that she didn't puke it up. I read books on how to take care at the bath times, no windows were open at bathing, and it was warm enough in the room, temperature of the water and so on. She loved water from the beginning.
Weight, sex after birth? The extra water and weight slowly came off my body and I had stretch marks that will never disappear, but I got my old body back. As the months passed by, sex got back to the way it was before my pregnancy.
Helena was 4 months old when we travelled to see my parents. She took the plane trip pretty hard. Our relatives were so pleased. She was so adorable. She did cry a lot, every baby does. People say babies are scary, but it wasn't. She was amazing, everyone surrounded her. I was so proud. I had time for everything I wanted. We went out for a night while she was with the grandparents. I had time for friends, obviously not as much as before.
I had to give her formula since she was in her 4th month, my milk wasn’t enough for her. She ate a lot.
She was very active. She sat up when she was in her 6-7 month. She was crawling in her 8-9 month.
Teething was a hard time, for her and for us parents. She didn't sleep at night, she couldn't eat as much. But I realized there are stages in her life, and as a mother I had to learn to control and to handle these stages.
On her first birthday she had walked already.
Now she is 2 years old. She learns 2 languages, I want her to speak my parent's language as well.
She goes to nursery 3 times a week. She's lots of fun. It's funny when I try to guess what she is trying to say.
In the mornings she wakes me with kisses and hugs.